Nov 2002
Dear tolerant readers,
"Matters of the heart", as promised: What follows is an extract from an email that was passed on to me written by a woman in a relationship with an artist, to a woman friend who had just broken up with a photographer...(!)
"[...] Well, the hardest aspect of such a relationship for me is that the artist lives, thinks and acts in an absolutely self-referred way, and always gets lost in the thicket of his inner self, so that you have problems to get hold of him, or even to find him. And when you do, he normally shows no interest in the banal, real things you ask for. Therefore, you have to make decisions and manage most of the time alone. You are constantly left in the dark about what's really going on, which is very nerve-wracking. You can only survive by being firm and strong in yourself. And this in return requires a lot of strength, a lot of patience and an enormous amount of willingness to confront conflicts (and arguments) if you don't want to be put last all the time. In the end it is up to the partner´s endurance (and not the artist´s) for how long conflicts are solvable and therefore bearable. If you realize that you can´t manage such a relationship any longer, the obvious, and only, conclusion is to split up. In any case: it´s a tour de force. [...]"
Hmm, I guess it was meant to help her, but anyway, it reminded me of the words of an old artist who once said, "Creativity is not compatible with cohabitation", and, while I don´t believe it´s absolute, unfortunately it seems to be reality all too frequently! Those who are trying to say something, be they musicians, writers, artists etc., are often deeply involved in the classic struggle - the search for truth and beauty, or meaning - and consequently spend a lot of time questioning and thinking (and may even be accused of thinking too much, especially when there is no evidence of fruit!). The apparent "distance" or "absence" (indeed it can be literal - it´s not a 9 to 5 job!) can create a dilemma: it looks like a lack of commitment to those who are unable to share in the work, and can lead to a loss of trust. In my view, trust (mutual) is clearly a fundamental issue, and I was surprised it wasn´t mentioned in the above extract.
So be aware, it can be a lonely place for both, and for some the stress may be too much.
This is Jenny. She works in a cafe which has two of August Sanders´ wonderful portraits (many Germans seem to be unaware of him!). I read and write here quite often, and suffer the coffee. Jenny wishes you all a Merry Christmas. Please wish her the same, and endurance and luck...she wants to be an actress!
Cheers,
Dean
PS. No "Agony Uncle" letters please I´m not qualified.